Mood: Content
Today is Friday, June 3, 2011. This week has been eye-opening. I’ve been in the kitchen A LOT. Prepping meals. Cooking meals. Cleaning up after meals. Etcetera!
It’s getting easier to see how my previous eating habits were almost always based on convenience, laziness, & comfort. When you have mostly negative thoughts about your body like I do, it’s customary to just not give a shit about what you feed it. But my outlook is beginning to adapt… For example, if it was possible for a witch doctor to recite a little chant, snap his fingers, and gift me with the perfect body at this very moment, would I treat it any differently than I treat my current body? You bet your butt, I would!
In fact, that’s kinda what I have to pretend has happened. Imagine being handed the keys to a shiny new car. It will stay clean, functional, and pretty as long as you maintain it as needed (gas, oil, a good wash every now & then). Let’s say the car gets neglected, trashed, taken for joy-rides by people who didn’t care what happened to it as long as it got them from here to there. It ends up looking & running like a piece of junk. Yet every day, people venture into junk yards looking for something that isn’t hopeless, something they can bring back from the dead and make useful & beautiful again. And every day they succeed.
My body is in the junk yard, so to speak. I have neglected it, abused it, let it sit around for way too long. It hasn’t failed me yet though, and I plan to show it the care & respect it always deserved.
When it comes to eating, I have to constantly remind myself of the difference between foods I like and foods I need. Instead of eating based on “tastes good” vs. “doesn’t taste good”, I’m going to try “helps my goal” vs. “sets me back”. Right now it’s easy to choose because I have all of my meals dictated to me by a nutrition plan, but eventually it will be up to me to decide what should go in & what should stay out. I’m not confident making those decisions on my own yet, but the more knowledge of food I gain, the more confident I’ll become, and the longer I’ll be able to keep up a healthy lifestyle.
I still care about taste though, and not all of the foods on my nutrition plan have been satisfying. Egg substitutes, for example, I can live without. Dry-roasted peanuts, I’m sorry, but you’re not my favorite either. In general though, I like what I’ve been eating. Most of the food I’ve had this week has been fresh, has more flavor, texture, & aroma than a lot of the processed/packaged foods I’m used to. I’ve noticed my biggest cravings lately have been for salt & carbs. Normally, I’d just go buy a bag of chips and call it a day. When I had one of these mad cravings the other day, I indulged in a few pretzels & stepped away from the bag! It was a small victory, but a huge one too.
Another thing I’m getting used to is the amount of time I spend eating. I actually eat more often now than I did when I ate due to hunger. Before, I’d skip meals, eat huge ones later, skip another, binge late at night, etc. and not worry too much about how it affected my energy or mood. Now I realize how confusing that must be to a body. Ignoring it one moment, then stuffing it the next. Depriving it of energy-boosting nutrients, then bombarding it with sugar or carbs right before bed. Talk about mixed messages & unfair expectations!
The nutrition plan takes care of that problem by scheduling food with certain nutrients at appropriate times of day. It’s not so structured that I have to eat at a certain time or anything; I still get to listen to my own hunger. The only difference is that now I’m becoming equipped to respond more responsibly.
Here’s a quick example of a typical day on my plan:
Breakfast - Honey Peanut Balance Bar, Glass of skim milk (under 300 cals)
Snack - Cup of strawberries, Yoplait Yogurt (under 150 cal)
Lunch - Low fat hot dog w/ ketchup & mustard, Celery w/ light cream cheese, Cup of fresh watermelon (under 350 cal)
Snack - Cup of unsalted peanuts (about 200 cal)
Dinner - Boiled asparagus, boiled cauliflower, baked Atlantic salmon, side salad with tomato, onion, & fat-free Italian dressing (under 350 cal)
Total Calories: 1292
Total Fat: 46g
Total Carbs: 142g
Total Protein: 84g
Eventually, I’m hoping that I will get to know food based on how much I should consume at a given time. If counting calories seems like a chore, that’s because it is. For now, the counting has been done and all I have to do is check each item off my list once it’s consumed. But in the long-term, I should be able to look at a cup of strawberries & know from experience that I’m dealing with about 50 calories. I’ll know to stay away from a bag of my favorite chips when I see that it has more calories than my entire lunch.
It’s still too soon to see or feel the effects these foods are having on my metabolism, but I am already beginning to feel the small, positive effects on my energy & mood.
The biggest adjustment I’m having to make is in cooking the food. I’ll have to write a whole separate post about that… But stay tuned! Before pictures are coming soon!
Thanks again for reading & continuing to motivate me. <3
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