Day 30 - Fall Seven Times

Mood: Ashamed

Today is Thursday, June 30, 2011. When writing a health blog, no news is usually bad news. I haven't updated on my activity in 1 week. I haven't weighed myself in 2 weeks. Out of a possible 9 bootcamp sessions, I've only been to 3. I haven't stuck strictly to my nutrition plan in I don't know how many days, but I definitely feel the difference.

That is not to say that I've been binging on junk food & lazing around every day. I've caved to a few temptations (garlic fries, pizza, chips, chocolate, vodka) but in very small portions. I've also been skimping on sleep, which I now realize has contributed to me not getting to more bootcamp sessions.

I have less than 2 weeks left of bootcamp, and honestly, I can't wait for it to be over. I mean, I'm glad I signed up in the first place, but I realized that aside from the great workout, it's just not that fun. The instructors seem like they're just going through the motions. I realize it's their job to instruct us and we as individuals have to put in the work, push ourselves, challenge our bodies, & summon the mental stamina to get through each session, but frankly I'm just not at a level of confidence or strength to do those things on my own yet. Part of me feels that more of a one-on-one training arrangement might be more effective, but personal trainers are so expensive. Another part of me wants to find something a little more upbeat/uplifting than exhausting. I want exercise not only to make my body work, but to be fun & energizing. That's what will keep me going back, instead of feeling like it's a chore.

My boyfriend recommended Zumba dance classes. I've done a few here & there, and loved it each time but the classes conflicted with my schedule. I found out my gym now offers a couple of classes at times that I can attend, so after the bootcamp thing ends, I'm making it my next assignment to give Zumba another try. I'll still have to incorporate strength training at least twice a week so I can continue to build muscle, and possibly add some light morning cardio in the mornings to keep up my routine of waking up early (I like having extra time to get things done in the morning, whereas before I started bootcamp I would roll out of bed, rush to get dressed, and still be half-asleep when I got to work).

As for nutrition, I'm again stocked up on healthy foods & snacks. My boyfriend has been making healthy dinners, and I'm thinking of experimenting with a few new healthy recipes, so the only routine I have to get back into is packing a healthy lunch. I know I can get back to succeeding in this area because I've learned the basics of portion control & making sure I don't go too long in between meals & snacks.

Even though I've muddled up the structure of my exercise & diet, I know I can get back on track. One or two weeks of laziness is not going to end this journey. I may have taken a few wrong turns, but now I'm going back to where I started & trying to find my way again. And if there's one thing I learned this week, it's that there's no shame in failing unless you let failure keep you down.

In fact, I keep a quote about this very situation posted on my cubicle at work. It's a Japanese Proverb that says "Fall seven times, stand up eight!"

This is me standing up again & taking whatever comes my way. If I fall again, so be it. But I'll never stay down or give up.

Thanks for reading and for continuing to support me on this long & winding road. <3

Day 23 - Somebody Help Me

Mood: Discouraged

Today is Thursday, June 23, 2011. I skipped bootcamp again yesterday and today. I don't have any excuses. I failed at getting enough sleep, and sacrificed my workouts in order to stay awake at work. I also failed at keeping healthy foods in my kitchen. I haven't cooked in almost a week. I haven't been tracking my calories, or eating as much or as often as I should. 

I have almost completely fallen off the wagon.

I'm feeling pretty bad about myself lately. I've also been under some stress, which I think came at a pretty bad time, as it often does in life. Now that my focus is less on stress and more on how to repair my broken diet/exercise routine, I am looking forward to getting back to the structure I was beginning to love.

As my lovely boyfriendguy said to me recently: It's tough to make a lifestyle change, but it pays off in the long run.

I have to remember this. It is tough. Nothing about it is easy. But doing things the easy way is the reason I'm unhappy with my health to begin with. I've got to get motivated again. I've got to reclaim that enthusiasm I had a few short weeks ago. I've got to clear out a lot more time for myself in order to stay devoted to my goals.

This scares me.

I don't like sacrificing. This year I've been clinging onto trying to keep things interesting, socially. I've been making more efforts to reach out to friends & grow a good support system. Now, my obligations to my friends (and boyfriend) are crowding my schedule in a way that prevents me to fully commit to this health overhaul. Now I see why, in a way, it's good that contestants on shows like The Biggest Loser get to take a break from every day life in order to commit 100% of their time & attention on getting healthy. Trying to do it when your job, love life, social calendar, & hobbies get in the way is like trying to win a foot race with weights tied around your ankles.

I have to learn to lighten the load.

My goal over the next few days will be to brainstorm ways to create more structure and eliminate the clutter. Maybe this means only scheduling social activities on the weekend, or only on Saturday. Maybe this means devoting one day to grocery shopping & preparing/cooking meals so that the rest of my week all I have to do is pack my lunch & go. I'll think about some of these things & create a list of things to implement.

Until next time, please reach out & let me know if you're reading this. Leave a comment below, or post something on my Facebook wall, or email me at bizzmiss@gmail.com, or text or call. Just please get in touch with me to offer some encouragement. I really need it right now.

Thanks for reading. <3

Oh yeah, and here's a pic is of my gross-looking scars from doing plank holds on the hurty carpet at bootcamp last week. It feels all scaley like a snake!

Day 20 - Healthy Linking

Mood: Tired


Today is Monday, June 20, 2011. After a late night of great company around a fire pit in my backyard, I decided to skip boot camp this morning & get the extra 2 hours of sleep that my body needed. Surprisingly, I didn't feel very guilty about it. I still want to burn some calories today though, so I plan to walk for 30 minutes on my lunch break, and then do some light strength training when I get home tonight. Problem solved!


Moving on...


You may or may not know, I'm kind of addicted to the internet. Even though this could very well be one of the factors contributing to my unhealthy habits (being sedentary), I still think the internet is a great resource for those looking to live healthier & increase their knowledge of how to do so.


Sometimes the information available online can be overwhelming. I've subscribed & unsubscribed to countless sites for recipes, health tips, etc. and I'm continually amazed at the contradictions some of them make on a regular basis.


But realizing that most information, when paired with a doctor's advice & good old-fashioned common sense, can be useful to keep in mind when overhauling your nutrition or exercise habits, I've decided to share a few of my favorite web resources & some examples of their motivational & informational value:




www.webmd.com
This site often gives good scientific backup & many of the articles are based from recent clinical study findings, which I personally tend to find more convincing than what one or two doctors theorize about the human body. As with many sites I'm going to list, many of their articles focus on psychology in relation to physiology and our mind's vital (yet often forgotten) role in our physical health.

How to Eat for a Better Mood

How to Fat-Proof Your Bedroom

www.livestrong.com
Probably one of the best sites out there for those seeking to get healthy, be fit, and be inspired. My favorite aspects of the site include: 

• MyPlate: a super easy, convenient, and FREE meal tracking tool which helps count nutritional contents of popular foods so that you can make sure you're meeting your recommended daily goals.
• Weekly email newsletter filled with fitness-focused articles, general health & wellness tips, & the occasional healthy recipe.
• Inspirational stories from real people that have changed their lives with dedication & healthy decision-making. 

The site also lets you join various groups so that you have access to a community of support & encouragement right at your fingertips.

What Did You Eat Today?

How to Bounce Back from an Eating Binge


Glenda's Success Story

Fitness Challenge - Men vs. Women

www.womenshealthmag.com & www.menshealthmag.com
No, I'm not a hermaphrodite, but I subscribe to both the women's & men's health e-magazine because I believe that good health is not just an individual success, it's a collective effort. I think it's important when establishing your own healthy habits to have some knowledge of how the people around you are treating their bodies. I don't advocate pushing your "health religion" onto other people, but the knowledge does come in handy when presented with questions from people who want to better understand your journey. Also, it's simply not a bad idea to use the information to evaluate which of your friends/family are contributing to your unhealthy habits so that you can minimize the effects on your changing mindset. These websites also offer workout ideas (for all levels), tips on nutrition & stress-busting, as well as a wealth of information you never knew about foods you encounter every day.

Nutrition Rules You Don't Need to Follow

Motivational Workout Tips

30 Foods Your Cardiologist Wouldn't Eat

eatthis.menshealth.com & eatthis.womenshealth.com
Both men's & women's health mag also also have their own sub-site called "Eat This, Not That" which lists the good, bad, & ugly foods out there tempting us daily. My favorite thing is that it not only points out the bad, but gives "good" alternatives! They share some terrific recipes too!

7 Fast-Food Meals Under 350 Calories

How to Stock the Perfect Refrigerator

18 Supermarket Lies Revealed

I hope these come in handy for you as they have for me. I'll probably post many more links in the future, and if you have any to share, please send them to bizzmiss@gmail.com :)


Thanks for reading, and have a great week! <3

Day 17 - Wrong Direction

Day 17

Weight: 179 lbs (3 pounds gained)

Body Fat: 41.1% (unchanged)

Mood: Frustrated

Today is Friday, June 17, 2011. I’m angry with myself. I ruined most of last week's progress because I didn’t have the willpower to stick firmly to my diet. I let myself lose sight of my goal, and I’m truly pissed off. 

But anger solves nothing.

Now that I’ve seen what being too flexible with food can do to my results, I’ve got to bear down & get serious again. I don’t want the time I put into my workouts to be wasted. I don’t want to let myself down again. I knew this whole week that I wasn’t staying 100% committed, and the scale confirmed it. There is no way around it: I cannot cheat every day and expect to lose weight.

A few promises I need to make (and keep) to myself before the next weigh-in:

1. I recommit to following my nutrition plan, even during the weekend.

2. I commit to doing at least 30 minutes of cardio every single day, in addition to my morning boot camp sessions.

3. I recommit to going to bed no later than 11pm every night.

Hopefully going back to these habits will once again give me the results I want. I need to remember that everyone has setbacks, everyone gets overwhelmed with major life changes, this doesn’t mean I have failed, I’m still learning how to treat my body well, and success doesn’t happen overnight.

That being said, I am still pretty ashamed that I let myself gain weight. This is unacceptable, and even though I will forgive myself & move on, I must do everything within my power to avoid repeating my mistakes.


On a positive note, I worked out every morning this week. That's five days in a row. I plan to keep this up as long as I can. I have about 3 more weeks of boot camp to go, and now that I've hit the halfway point, I have to push myself a little bit harder physically & mentally. 

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend. <3

Day 15 - Just Saying No

Mood: Uncertain

Today is Wednesday, June 15, 2011. This time last week I was celebrating a 5-lb weight loss. Today, I had planned to celebrate a similar victory. The only problem: I haven't weighed myself yet. My boot camp instructor plans to check my stats on Friday, so that's when you'll find out too! Until then, here's a recap of the past few days.

I'm losing steam on the nutrition side of things. I'm getting lazy with my eating choices. I'm cheating more often than I should. On Monday, it was a bag of my favorite chips (Hot Cheetos!). Yesterday, it was a piece of chocolate at work AND a cake lollipop after dinner. Today, a delectable homemade brownie from my boss. On a somewhat positive note, even with all the cheating, I've managed to stay within (or extremely close) to my calorie goals.

Yesterday, I was boasting to the boyfriendguy how good it feels to have rid myself of a lot of the guilt I had when I was eating less healthy. Taking the cheating into consideration, even a little guilt has damaged my self-confidence.

One thing I've got to learn if I want to meet my goals: How To Say No.

This has always been hard for me. I'm used to instant gratification. As an adult, it's hard to justify not doing something or having something that's perfectly within reach. But I'm my own parent now. As such, I need to start learning how to gently deny myself certain things that might taste good but certainly won't treat my body well.

I'm sure that once I start learning how to say no to myself in a more motivational way, I'll have less trouble with this. Here are some things I'm going to try in order to achieve this habit:

• "Which is better: Having a tasty treat or having nothing to regret?"
• "What else can I eat instead of the tasty treat that will fill my craving?"
• "Wait 10 minutes. Drink some water. Re-evaluate craving."
• "Can the treat be saved for another day when I might *really* need it?"
• "How can I avoid seeing/smelling this treat so that I'm not constantly tempted by it?"

If you have any ideas or resources on how to control temptations, cravings, or minimizing "cheater's remorse", please share!

Thanks for reading! <3

Less doubt, more focus.

"A mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course to victory."

- Arthur Golden

Photo by Zach Dischner

Day 13 - Temptations Abound

Mood: Guilty


Today is Monday, June 13, 2011. This weekend was wonderful & difficult at the same time. We had a big backyard BBQ for Nate's birthday, with lots of friends, family, & food. Needless to say, I was worried about undoing all the recent progress I've made. There was going to be delicious treats everywhere I turned. Would I be able to resist? Would I be able to adhere to my new portion standards? Would I give in to the empty calories of booze & cake? I tried to assure myself that a little taste of this & that & the other stuff wouldn't totally ruin me, but the honest truth is that I wasn't confident in myself at all.


Most of the day I spent running around prepping for the party, and when people started showing up & it was time to relax, mingle, and nourish myself with some BBQ, I couldn't bring myself to eat! I simply didn't have an appetite. Maybe I was just anxious from making sure, as a hostess, that everyone else was taken care of before I worried about myself. The most substantial thing I ate all day was a burned hot dog, on a bun, with ketchup, mustard, & relish.


I could have done worse. Next time, I'll do better.


I'm forgiving myself for the lack of structure that day. I'm forgiving myself for letting all the rules & regulations fly out the window because I'm still new at this. One day I'll be able to feel totally in control in these types of situations, but for now, I'm ok with my errors because they weren't errors of excess. If I had gone completely off the deep end & ate myself into a coma, I'd probably be a little less forgiving toward myself. Instead I can be proud that I didn't bloat myself with beer or over-carb myself with my favorite pasta salad.


Sunday wasn't a win either, but thanks to my amazing & supportive boyfriendguy, I was able to give much more thought to my food choices & successfully avert another carb-crisis.


Looking forward while keeping this weekend in mind, I'm back to the grind. Back to giving my all to having a well-balanced week of productivity + progress. Although it was really tough to get to boot camp this morning (I think I yawned the whole way there), it felt good to work up a sweat again & know that for every two steps back I have the ability to learn from my mistakes & take a few leaps forward in the right direction.


As promised, a before picture of one of my target areas: the midsection!

Hope you had a great weekend & thanks for reading! <3

Day 10 - Ten Things I Love About You

Day 10

Mood: Happy

Today is Friday, June 10, 2011. It's my tenth day as a healthy-woman-to-be, so I thought I'd keep it simple & list 10 things I love about my new life:

1. I get to watch the sunrise on the way to boot camp.

2. My body is sore in a different place every day, and it means I'm doing something right.

3. I have more structure in my daily activities, which has greatly reduced my anxiety.

4. My cooking skills are improving.


5. I've been more productive at work due to increased energy. Take that, to-do lists!


6. My clothes are starting to fit better.


7. I don't feel as emotional or moody as I usually do.


8. I have better posture.


9. I've learned just how incredibly supportive my friends & family are when something is important to me. (I knew it already, but it's being confirmed every day!)


10. I smile more. :)


Have a great weekend, and thanks for reading! <3

Blog Redesign

Let me know what you think of the changes!

My original site is here: http://gobizzygo.tumblr.com/

p.s. If anyone knows how to link both blogs so that my posts are automatically posted to Tumblr, please let me know!

Get Up!

I heard this song during boot camp today & had a fun flashback of the 90s! Watch the video for some hilariously awesome dancerobics… Or just listen for a good pick-me-up.

If this doesn’t get you moving, dancing, bobbing your head, shimmying your shoulders, or at least tapping your feet, I don’t know what will!!! :D

Day 8 - Winning by Losing

Weight: 176 lbs (5 pounds lost!)

Mood: Proud

Today is Wednesday, June 8, 2011. I’ve been looking forward to this day, and now I can finally say it: I’m winning! No, it’s not a Charlie Sheen reference… I just mean I’m actually getting closer to reaching a goal! (In fact, I doubled a goal: When I started the boot camp, I listed my weekly goal as 2.5 lbs! Woohoo!)

I know 5 pounds doesn’t sound like much, and it isn’t when you consider how much farther I have yet to go, but this is unlike any other 5 pounds I’ve ever lost.

Why? Because I worked for it with 100% of my being.

Remember when I said I’ve lost weight before? It isn’t the pounds I’m proud of this time, it’s the commitment. I’ve lost weight by exercising before, but I did the same exercise every day (walking), so eventually I got tired of it & stopped. The weight came back. I’ve also lost weight by using meal replacements & following meal plans before, but I was usually left hungry & couldn’t handle the emotional deprivation. Once again, the unhealthy habits won and the weight came back.

I know I’m only a week into this, and I’m destined to have setbacks & plateaus in the future, but this time feels different than any other time in my life I’ve tried improving my health. I’m more confident this time around, and I think I know why.

During the other times I’ve tried to lose weight, I was doing i

t mostly to satisfy the desires of other people (I’ll be talking about this in more detail in another post because of its importance to the development of my body-image). I did it for other people because I’m a textbook “people-pleaser”. I would rather say yes than no, so when these people told me I should lose weight, I did it more for their acceptance than for my health or happiness.

This time around every meaningful person in my life accepts me as I am. Nobody comments on what I eat or pinches my fat or gives me chubby-girl nicknames. Take for example my boyfriend. He likes my body. The things I’m insecure about he finds attractive. He appreciates the person I am behind the cellulite & sagging. The fact that my weight or size is not an issue to him unexpectedly lifted a really big burden from my shoulders. It lifted a lot of the disappointed that I was carrying around from other people’s issues with my body.

It helped me realize that my body is mine and mine alone. Regardless of what other people think about it, it’s my job to take care of it the way I see necessary. And the fact that I finally *want* to be healthy for myself, is so incredibly motivating, I could cry. No seriously, I’m getting a lump in my throat as I type this. :)

Anyway, that confidence gave me the freedom to start setting the goals I thought were important. The goals I decided would make me happier. My brain & body were always on board, but it was my heart that needed to join the party. Better late than never, right?

When my body gets tired, my mind jumps in and said “Hey! You can do it! We’re a team!” instead of “Oh, just sit there & maybe you’ll feel different tomorrow.” When my mind gets restless, my heart whispers “Please don’t let me down! I need you!” instead of “It’s ok, I’ll survive somehow.” And at 6am each morning when I arrive at boot camp, and neither my brain or heart is very happy that I’m still not in bed, my body says “Don’t worry, I’ll get this party started & you guys can catch up when you’re ready.” I can actually feel the interconnectedness between these 3 factors for the first time, and it feels really wonderful.

This picture I found today kind of sums up the interconnectedness idea pretty well…

Photo by dotcompals

Being that I finally get to decide what kind of body/life I want. Let me take this opportunit

y to get a few things out in the open:

1. I don’t want to be skinny. I love my curves.

I have plenty of beautiful, gorgeous, hot thin friends. They rock the skinny look, whereas I just look weird & sickly. I know attractiveness is relative, and my ideal body has a slightly big butt, toned/shapely legs, a trim waistline, & just enough boobage to suffocate a small mouse.

2. I don’t care about how much I weigh. I take pride in my strength.

I’m posting my weight here because it’s the easiest way to track my progress, but it’s really just an indicator of the progress I’m making in regards to body fat. My goal is to be somewhat toned, but also somewhat squishy. The average person my height is recommended to be between 100-120 lbs. I’d like to hover right around 130 if possible because you know what they say about a little extra cushion…

(Hi Mom!)

3. I’m never going to eat like a bird. I love food too much.

I used to say this to feel better about eating big portions, but now I say it in regards to the types of foods I’m eating. I choose to be carnivorous. But there’s a difference between stuffing my face with a cheesesteak once a week & enjoying a juicy porkchop once in a while. I desire flavor & texture & aroma in the foods I eat. I’m not necessarily going to eat those foods every day, but they’ll always be a part of my diet, just in less quantities & on fewer occasions than they have been up until this point. Besides, a life without cheesecake or Fettucine Alfredo is not worth living! I’ll either find out how to make healthier versions, or I’ll just eat much smaller portions when I absolutely need to indulge.

These are as much hopes as they are realisms. Good reminders of who I am & what I value despite all the changes I’m going through.

Well, there you have it. My first full week of taking good care of myself - mind, body, & spirit - and the results match the effort. Go me!

Thanks, as always, for reading & supporting me! <3

Reaching, Seeking, Looking, & Dreaming

"Only as high as I reach can I grow, only as far as I seek can I go, only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be."

- Karen Ravn

Photo by jinterwas

Day 5 - Love it or Lose it

Mood: Disappointed

Today is Sunday, June 5, 2011. I think it might be true what they say about not really appreciating something until you have to live without it for a while. This past week I’ve had to go without a few of my most comforting foods for the sake of finding healthier replacements. The nice thing I’ve realized is that almost everything I crave has a suitable substitute that is better for my body, leaves me satisfied, and helps me forget about the food I was initially craving.

Surprisingly some of the things I thought I loved & needed were much easier to live without than I thought they’d be, which probably means I was just eating them out of pure habit. And for that reason, I’m glad to see them go.

If I had to grade myself on how close I stuck to my nutrition plan this week, I’d give myself a C+. Or maybe just a C. I definitely cheated a few times, and gave in to peer pressure (eating out) more than I probably should have, but as I told a good friend recently “Life changes don’t happen overnight.”

For the most part, I did a good job having all of the right foods around me. I also did a pretty good job of making sure I stuck to the daily calorie goal. But where I fell apart was in social situations. I have a hard time saying no… to myself as well as to others. I guess that means I’m a people-pleaser. I know that I’m going to eat out a lot in the future, but right now I’m learning how to make healthy choices when I don’t have a calorie guide helping me make those decisions. When I do eat in restaurants, I have to guide myself by portion size & ingredients.

It’s definitely proving to be a challenge, but I have faith in myself to start making better selections & not deprive myself of being with friends when they want to eat out. This is also true for alcohol. I’m not a huge drinker, but occasionally I like to have wine or beer with dinner. It hasn’t been hard to cut those out of my diet yet, but eventually I’m going to have to learn portion control there too.

Photo by schillergarcia

I’m not in the best mood right now. I’m looking forward to boot camp tomorrow, and hopefully it will put me in a better mood so I can face the new week with more enthusiasm than I’ve had this weekend.

My goal for the next couple of days is to stick to the nutrition plan as much as possible. I’m also looking forward to Wednesday so I can report on my weight loss, if any. I don’t want to get my hopes too high yet, but even the smallest progress will be motivational.

Thanks for reading. <3

Day 3 - From Junk to Jewel

Mood: Content

Today is Friday, June 3, 2011. This week has been eye-opening. I’ve been in the kitchen A LOT. Prepping meals. Cooking meals. Cleaning up after meals. Etcetera!

It’s getting easier to see how my previous eating habits were almost always based on convenience, laziness, & comfort. When you have mostly negative thoughts about your body like I do, it’s customary to just not give a shit about what you feed it. But my outlook is beginning to adapt… For example, if it was possible for a witch doctor to recite a little chant, snap his fingers, and gift me with the perfect body at this very moment, would I treat it any differently than I treat my current body? You bet your butt, I would!

In fact, that’s kinda what I have to pretend has happened. Imagine being handed the keys to a shiny new car. It will stay clean, functional, and pretty as long as you maintain it as needed (gas, oil, a good wash every now & then). Let’s say the car gets neglected, trashed, taken for joy-rides by people who didn’t care what happened to it as long as it got them from here to there. It ends up looking & running like a piece of junk. Yet every day, people venture into junk yards looking for something that isn’t hopeless, something they can bring back from the dead and make useful & beautiful again. And every day they succeed.

My body is in the junk yard, so to speak. I have neglected it, abused it, let it sit around for way too long. It hasn’t failed me yet though, and I plan to show it the care & respect it always deserved.

When it comes to eating, I have to constantly remind myself of the difference between foods I like and foods I need. Instead of eating based on “tastes good” vs. “doesn’t taste good”, I’m going to try “helps my goal” vs. “sets me back”. Right now it’s easy to choose because I have all of my meals dictated to me by a nutrition plan, but eventually it will be up to me to decide what should go in & what should stay out. I’m not confident making those decisions on my own yet, but the more knowledge of food I gain, the more confident I’ll become, and the longer I’ll be able to keep up a healthy lifestyle.

I still care about taste though, and not all of the foods on my nutrition plan have been satisfying. Egg substitutes, for example, I can live without. Dry-roasted peanuts, I’m sorry, but you’re not my favorite either. In general though, I like what I’ve been eating. Most of the food I’ve had this week has been fresh, has more flavor, texture, & aroma than a lot of the processed/packaged foods I’m used to. I’ve noticed my biggest cravings lately have been for salt & carbs. Normally, I’d just go buy a bag of chips and call it a day. When I had one of these mad cravings the other day, I indulged in a few pretzels & stepped away from the bag! It was a small victory, but a huge one too.

Another thing I’m getting used to is the amount of time I spend eating. I actually eat more often now than I did when I ate due to hunger. Before, I’d skip meals, eat huge ones later, skip another, binge late at night, etc. and not worry too much about how it affected my energy or mood. Now I realize how confusing that must be to a body. Ignoring it one moment, then stuffing it the next. Depriving it of energy-boosting nutrients, then bombarding it with sugar or carbs right before bed. Talk about mixed messages & unfair expectations!

The nutrition plan takes care of that problem by scheduling food with certain nutrients at appropriate times of day. It’s not so structured that I have to eat at a certain time or anything; I still get to listen to my own hunger. The only difference is that now I’m becoming equipped to respond more responsibly.

Here’s a quick example of a typical day on my plan:

Breakfast - Honey Peanut Balance Bar, Glass of skim milk (under 300 cals)

Snack - Cup of strawberries, Yoplait Yogurt (under 150 cal)

Lunch - Low fat hot dog w/ ketchup & mustard, Celery w/ light cream cheese, Cup of fresh watermelon (under 350 cal)

Snack - Cup of unsalted peanuts (about 200 cal)

Dinner - Boiled asparagus, boiled cauliflower, baked Atlantic salmon, side salad with tomato, onion, & fat-free Italian dressing (under 350 cal)

Total Calories: 1292

Total Fat: 46g

Total Carbs: 142g

Total Protein: 84g

Eventually, I’m hoping that I will get to know food based on how much I should consume at a given time. If counting calories seems like a chore, that’s because it is. For now, the counting has been done and all I have to do is check each item off my list once it’s consumed. But in the long-term, I should be able to look at a cup of strawberries & know from experience that I’m dealing with about 50 calories. I’ll know to stay away from a bag of my favorite chips when I see that it has more calories than my entire lunch.

It’s still too soon to see or feel the effects these foods are having on my metabolism, but I am already beginning to feel the small, positive effects on my energy & mood.

The biggest adjustment I’m having to make is in cooking the food. I’ll have to write a whole separate post about that… But stay tuned! Before pictures are coming soon!

Thanks again for reading & continuing to motivate me. <3

Day 1 - The Starting Line

Weight: 181.6 lbs

Body Fat: 41.1%

Mood: Motivated

Today is Wednesday, June 1, 2011. It was my first full session of fitness boot camp (I was supposed to start on Monday, May 30th, but I was 30 minutes late finding the studio!). It was also an “evaluation” day for the other participants. They’ve all been coming for several weeks, so this was their chance to see how far they’d come in regards to workout stamina.

The instructor/trainer gave us an exercise to do and about 60 seconds to complete it. We had to count each repetition & keep adding to the count with each new exercise. After about 4 or 5 exercises, we were to write down our total number on a sheet of paper. I was pleased to see out of the 15-20 people in the room, my number was not the lowest. :)

After a short water break, we dove right back in with another 5 or 6 exercises. Our numbers were totaled while we worked out some more, and at the end of the class I found my number: 570. Some had higher numbers, some had lower, and the only thing I felt when I looked around at some of the other numbers was excitement at the opportunity to improve my own. I can’t wait to see what my numbers will be six weeks from now!

Just a few things about my journey since this is the first post…

I’m not doing this just to lose weight. I’m giving myself more of a health makeover. A clean slate. A fresh start. A new leaf. And any other trite phrases you can think of to describe the transformation I have planned for myself. I haven’t always been fully committed to being healthy, nor was I raised with the strong belief that my body is as important as various other parts of my being. Exercise was not emphasized in my household growing up. I loved being outdoors, and I was a very active kid. I dabbled in sports, I took dance classes, rode my bike, played at the park, swam like a fish, and generally did all the things a growing child should to develop healthy habits. But I also liked the indoors. Mom and I would play scrabble or cards. We’d spend a Sunday watching Lifetime movie marathons. And then there were video games. Nintendo, to be specific. I played that box for hours on end. Sometimes I’d only leave my room for bathroom breaks & meals. I was addicted, but I was a good daughter who wasn’t out chasing boys, spending money, or getting into trouble, so my parents allowed it. I can’t say I would have done the same, but I definitely appreciate the fact that they let me have my alone time.

To this day, I crave that focused “me” time as much as I do being social or physically active. But over the years I’ve forgotten how to make time for all of the above. When I was in high school, my activities focused more around the arts. Instead of cheerleading, I joined the choir. Instead of playing sports, I kept taking dance classes & joining the local theater productions. I was still active, but not athletic by any means. I never felt overweight until my junior year. I had big boobs and low self-esteem. I wanted to be thin like the older, cooler girls. They even had a club that I’d never be able to join “The 34B Club”. I don’t think I’d been a 34B since the 8th grade.

But since the 8th grade I had gained weight in other areas of my body, and this is where the low self-esteem came into play. I was still a goodie goodie. Didn’t go to many parties, didn’t date, didn’t keep up with many fashion trends. I had my own style, and although it wasn’t much, I was comfortable being comfortable instead of trying to be “cute”. My close friends accepted me, I was popular (not in the traditional ‘mean-girl’ sense, but well-liked by most cliques & treated kindly by my peers), and most importantly, I had a safe life.

While most of the other teens were out experimenting with alcohol, sex, & drugs, I was discovering the internet. I’d stay up late every night, chatting on AOL with friends & strangers alike. It was the most fun I could think of having because I could be social & conversational without worrying about what I looked like or who was around me or whether or not I fit in. I was hooked to the world wide web!

After about a year of sitting on my ass, snacking late at night to stay awake & chat, I became truly overweight for the first time. I remember making instant mashed potatoes, or heating up microwave dinners, or munching on bags of potato chips. I’ve read that eating late at night doesn’t actually cause weight gain, but my poor eating habits & frequent inactivity sure did the trick for me. Add to that a shitty sleeping schedule, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for healthy-habit disaster.

Since then, I’ve struggled with those habits. I’ve also had my share of small successes. Fifteen pounds lost here, thirty lost there, twenty gained, forty gained, and before you know it I’m stuck in an endless cycle of insecurity, envy, self-doubt, and shame. It’s not a good feeling to watch yourself fail repeatedly.

That, in a very wordy nutshell, is my past relationship with my body. It wasn’t always good, but we made it through together without too many battle wounds.

Today begins my new relationship with my body, only this time it’s an open relationship. I’m also in a new relationship with my mind. The three of us are finally starting to understand that we can’t function without each other. The less work my body does, the lazier my mind becomes. The less my mind does, the more my body finds itself incapable of carrying the weight. And as for me, well it’s my job to keep the two working & living in harmony together!

*whew*

I realize that was a lot to read, but I’m taking this journey pretty seriously. At the same time, I’m going to try and keep it as fun & energizing as possible so that I stick with it long-term. I may not update this blog every single day, but I will check in every few days to update on my progress as it relates to workouts & nutrition. There might be some videos coming soon, of some of the exercises I’ve been taught at boot camp. There might also be recipes taken from my low-cal meal plan. I will definitely be talking about all the delicious foods I’m trying (and maybe some of the ones I’m missing)! Overall, I welcome your feedback, encouragement, support, and ideas! If you’ve been through this or a similar journey, please share your experiences with me & the rest of my readers. I’m going to need all the mental & emotional support I can get!

Thanks to those that continue to motivate & inspire me to be healthier & happier! <3

Commitment

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results."

- Kenneth Blanchard