Weight: 181.6 lbs
Body Fat: 41.1%
Mood: Motivated
Today is Wednesday, June 1, 2011. It was my first full session of fitness boot camp (I was supposed to start on Monday, May 30th, but I was 30 minutes late finding the studio!). It was also an “evaluation” day for the other participants. They’ve all been coming for several weeks, so this was their chance to see how far they’d come in regards to workout stamina.
The instructor/trainer gave us an exercise to do and about 60 seconds to complete it. We had to count each repetition & keep adding to the count with each new exercise. After about 4 or 5 exercises, we were to write down our total number on a sheet of paper. I was pleased to see out of the 15-20 people in the room, my number was not the lowest. :)
After a short water break, we dove right back in with another 5 or 6 exercises. Our numbers were totaled while we worked out some more, and at the end of the class I found my number: 570. Some had higher numbers, some had lower, and the only thing I felt when I looked around at some of the other numbers was excitement at the opportunity to improve my own. I can’t wait to see what my numbers will be six weeks from now!
Just a few things about my journey since this is the first post…
I’m not doing this just to lose weight. I’m giving myself more of a health makeover. A clean slate. A fresh start. A new leaf. And any other trite phrases you can think of to describe the transformation I have planned for myself. I haven’t always been fully committed to being healthy, nor was I raised with the strong belief that my body is as important as various other parts of my being. Exercise was not emphasized in my household growing up. I loved being outdoors, and I was a very active kid. I dabbled in sports, I took dance classes, rode my bike, played at the park, swam like a fish, and generally did all the things a growing child should to develop healthy habits. But I also liked the indoors. Mom and I would play scrabble or cards. We’d spend a Sunday watching Lifetime movie marathons. And then there were video games. Nintendo, to be specific. I played that box for hours on end. Sometimes I’d only leave my room for bathroom breaks & meals. I was addicted, but I was a good daughter who wasn’t out chasing boys, spending money, or getting into trouble, so my parents allowed it. I can’t say I would have done the same, but I definitely appreciate the fact that they let me have my alone time.
To this day, I crave that focused “me” time as much as I do being social or physically active. But over the years I’ve forgotten how to make time for all of the above. When I was in high school, my activities focused more around the arts. Instead of cheerleading, I joined the choir. Instead of playing sports, I kept taking dance classes & joining the local theater productions. I was still active, but not athletic by any means. I never felt overweight until my junior year. I had big boobs and low self-esteem. I wanted to be thin like the older, cooler girls. They even had a club that I’d never be able to join “The 34B Club”. I don’t think I’d been a 34B since the 8th grade.
But since the 8th grade I had gained weight in other areas of my body, and this is where the low self-esteem came into play. I was still a goodie goodie. Didn’t go to many parties, didn’t date, didn’t keep up with many fashion trends. I had my own style, and although it wasn’t much, I was comfortable being comfortable instead of trying to be “cute”. My close friends accepted me, I was popular (not in the traditional ‘mean-girl’ sense, but well-liked by most cliques & treated kindly by my peers), and most importantly, I had a safe life.
While most of the other teens were out experimenting with alcohol, sex, & drugs, I was discovering the internet. I’d stay up late every night, chatting on AOL with friends & strangers alike. It was the most fun I could think of having because I could be social & conversational without worrying about what I looked like or who was around me or whether or not I fit in. I was hooked to the world wide web!
After about a year of sitting on my ass, snacking late at night to stay awake & chat, I became truly overweight for the first time. I remember making instant mashed potatoes, or heating up microwave dinners, or munching on bags of potato chips. I’ve read that eating late at night doesn’t actually cause weight gain, but my poor eating habits & frequent inactivity sure did the trick for me. Add to that a shitty sleeping schedule, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for healthy-habit disaster.
Since then, I’ve struggled with those habits. I’ve also had my share of small successes. Fifteen pounds lost here, thirty lost there, twenty gained, forty gained, and before you know it I’m stuck in an endless cycle of insecurity, envy, self-doubt, and shame. It’s not a good feeling to watch yourself fail repeatedly.
That, in a very wordy nutshell, is my past relationship with my body. It wasn’t always good, but we made it through together without too many battle wounds.
Today begins my new relationship with my body, only this time it’s an open relationship. I’m also in a new relationship with my mind. The three of us are finally starting to understand that we can’t function without each other. The less work my body does, the lazier my mind becomes. The less my mind does, the more my body finds itself incapable of carrying the weight. And as for me, well it’s my job to keep the two working & living in harmony together!
*whew*
I realize that was a lot to read, but I’m taking this journey pretty seriously. At the same time, I’m going to try and keep it as fun & energizing as possible so that I stick with it long-term. I may not update this blog every single day, but I will check in every few days to update on my progress as it relates to workouts & nutrition. There might be some videos coming soon, of some of the exercises I’ve been taught at boot camp. There might also be recipes taken from my low-cal meal plan. I will definitely be talking about all the delicious foods I’m trying (and maybe some of the ones I’m missing)! Overall, I welcome your feedback, encouragement, support, and ideas! If you’ve been through this or a similar journey, please share your experiences with me & the rest of my readers. I’m going to need all the mental & emotional support I can get!
Thanks to those that continue to motivate & inspire me to be healthier & happier! <3
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